A problem and a party

Anyone have a problem that is out of your control and so you are trying to not think about it and focus on other things?  And you are doing a good job at finding other things to do, some of which are making you feel pretty happy and good, but still you have those moments when you are all alone with nothing to do and the problem just enters your mind, like it was always there but you just had to not be distracted by other things to see/feel it?  I just wish there was something I could do!  I do not like the feeling of having to just let it be and do something else when I know it is a problem.  The definition of problem is: any question or matter involving doubt, uncertainty, or difficulty; a question proposed for solution or discussion.  You know, I want a solution, the answer that solves the problem. Ugh :(

Ok now having said all that, I've had a pretty good day.  Work was alright, probably cuz I only worked for 6 hours instead of my usual 11.  Then I cleaned up my car some (I really like having clean organized things).   And followed that by going to a party at a friend's house where I admit it: I had a blast :D  To any of you reading this who were there at the party, thanks for making that fun and I hope you had a good time too.  Today was a day where I felt truly happy and experienced something that was really good and I'm grateful for it.

Comedians

Ok I didn't post last night because I was really tired and had a long day and pretty much passed out once my head hit the pillow around 10:00-ish.  I have to say though that I had a pretty funny day at work though. And this will be strange coming from me if anyone reading this knows me, but I was listening to stand-up comedy at work yesterday.  HILARIOUS stuff!!  I really like Gabriel Iglesias and all his amazingly accurate voices.  I watched his episode that he did in Hawaii and his story of his shows in Saudi Arabia were pretty amazing to hear about.  I feel happy to know that people in the Middle East have humor and like to laugh just like any human being :)  If you like comedians or are interested in hearing his set from his show in Hawaii here is the Youtube link:
http://youtu.be/RIIjxDE__a8

Well I'm at work right now so I'm gonna go and get back to it.  Later...

Families

I am an only child.  So for me, any time I have the opportunity to see what the family dynamics are like in a family with multiple children I just soak it in.  It's so different from my quiet life of solitude.  Tonight I had one of those opportunities.  Every family is different, some fight more than others, some are more loving of each other than others.  I don't know, it almost makes me want to do research and case studies, but that's my psychologist side coming out :)  Sometimes I feel sad that I didn't have siblings or grow up in a home with many members, and being in a home where there are many and it's a happy home only aggravates the sadness.  However, tonight was not one of those nights, though the family I was with definitely seemed happy and loving and cohesive to my brief observation.  It was a good experience.

Which brings me to my second thought.  When I was much younger my parents would let me go to and have sleepovers, with friends or with cousins.  I loved these events.  I realize now that I felt very alive and in the moment and happy.  Then when the time came to go home or for my friend/cousin to go home I became sad.  I didn't want to go back to being the only one.  I liked having someone to play with and talk to.  I bring this up because tonight when I came home I was starting to feel that a little bit.  And then thoughts of living alone crept in, and missing friends, and just wanting to have someone with me in my life.  Ugh!

And the battle continues. 

Google Maps screenshot

In case you were curious as to what I was looking at today :)

Google Earth and my affinity for maps

Does anybody ever use Google Earth? Last night I couldn't sleep so well and I started looking up places on Google Earth on my phone.  Then today while at work I had a lot of fun looking at my favorite vacation spots and sending the pics to my mom.  Made us both want to go on vacation!  I don't know what it is, but I really love looking at maps and at places on the Earth.  Hey I even bought a new globe from the DI last weekend.  Sure it still shows Russia as the USSR and parts of the Middle East and Africa don't look like I last remembered, and my mission companion's country is called the Gilbert Islands instead of Kirabati....but I still love looking at it, just staring at the different places of our planet.  I wouldn't mind going to see a lot of those places and learning of their history.

Ha, well in other news, I spent nearly 2 hours I believe on one measly project at work today.  They are not supposed to take that long.  And evidently, if I had just asked for help before starting out on it on my own there might've been a faster/better way of doing it.  Aaaagghhh!  Oh well, it's done now.  And I will have plenty to do tomorrow.  Looks like I should get a good full paycheck this week (I really need it).  And did anyone else see the beautiful sunset, or the sun hitting the snowy peaked, cloud shrouded Wasatch mountain range today?  Ah!! It was amazing!  I wish I could've found a good place to stop and just gaze at it, instead of being in my car and driving :P  I love the scenery in Utah :)

Demons

Today was a rough day and I don't feel much better right now.  Does anyone else have to deal with frequent downward mood swings? 
Let's talk about inner demons for a second.  I know we all have them.  I know some people have to wrestle more with theirs' than other folks.  I'm not going to claim to be one of those people.  All I am going to say is that mine often make me feel like I am frequently getting knocked down hard in a boxing ring.  The struggle to get back up is really tough and then all too easy do I get knocked back down.  My demons just make me feel really awful about myself, alone, and pessimistic and hopeless about life.  They tell me that there is no one there and make me feel like I am drowning.  In reality I think there are people there, and I'm probably strong enough to get myself back up out of the abyss, but getting to where I feel that way seems out of my control.

Ok, I will try to say a couple positive things now.  I get to go to bed now and my cute little kitty Arwen is waiting for me.  Though I feel alone, there's got to be those I can't see who are with me.  This life is just a short moment and one day the inner demons will be gone. 

Of Mice and Money

I feel overwhelmed with the issues and stresses that are associated with money right now.  My friend sent me some budget templates awhile back and today I finally got around to plugging in some data and at one point I got so frustrated tonight that I nearly started to cry.  I'm still feeling frustrated and lost, but I'm done for the night.  I have to just step away.

I've stayed inside mostly all day today.  Except for when I walked a mouse to its new home.  Yep, you read that right.  There's been a mouse in our house and so I bought a humane mouse trap to catch it and today it was finally trapped.  So I cut up some cheese cubes and walked it to a new location outside that I hope would be safely away from most predators (namely, my cats) and released it back into the wild.  He/She was a cute little mouse :)

Yay for a new week.