I mention friends a lot, certain friends in particular. Finding a companion, soulmate, partner, or relation of that caliber is probably my soul's deepest desire and my most subconscious desire as well. Yes I have other very important desires too but this one seems to come unbidden from somewhere deep in my heart. It also tends to push my limits on what is healthy for me and appropriate in my quest to live a good life and also fulfill my desires. Sometimes what I want leads me to do or act in ways unhealthy.
So with that in mind, I find life difficult for me to live at times. Because people and friendships come and go so fleetingly in life, and we have unrequited love, and losses that come out of our control. I mention my dear friend and how I fear losing her. I think of recent friends who I know will exit my life soon because of our different paths. All of it hurts me a lot because I want so badly deep meaningful permanent and enriching connections with friends. I want a best friend who will never leave me. I want my loved ones always in my life. I want to always get to be with them whenever and do whatever and share experiences. But I can't because that's not how life works.
I believe and hope though that after this short mortal life we will get to always have our friends in our lives, never to have them exit again. And we'll have a better and deeper understanding of who each of our loved ones are and vice versa. We will know each other as we know ourselves. That would bring me joy to know that how I feel about someone is equally returned and that they understand me deeply and we can always be a part of each other's lives forever and ever. It would make me so happy to be able to rekindle and maintain old friendships with people who have come and gone from my life but who I still think about from time to time and would love to know again.
I believe that in the next life our joy will be full, so I believe that my hopes will be realized. Either that or something even better that I have not yet thought of. Til then I've been trying to press forward when a friend exits. Try not to dwell on the pain and what I want so much. And also, I guess, try to see the other good things that are blessings that suffice until that better time comes.