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Sunday, March 30, 2014

Late wintery weather

It snowed today!!!!  Ahhhh!!  No likey.  Want 70 degree weather now.  BUT, on the flipside, I heard thunder today!  I love lightning and thunder.  I am way excited to get into thunderstorm season.  Bring on the lightning.  And, at least I don't live up in Idaho right now.  My friend showed me a pic of her backyard today and they got dumped on by the white stuff.  This week will start off April.  Trees will soon start budding and flowers will start blooming.  In my frontyard the tulips are just about ready to POP!  Assuming they didn't get froze to death by the snow today... They are tough Utah tulips.  They will be strong and survive the icky late winter storm!  [I hope so anyways]

Well I just checked the weather forecast for this week and it looks like we're in for cold and somewhat wet.  Seriously.  Can I move to Hawaii? :-/

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Noah film review

Do not see this movie.

I am not talking about inaccuracies or whatever else you might be thinking since this is a movie about a person who really existed (I think most people would agree about that), or that it is based off a book and movies have a habit of not following books.  No, this is far far worse.

I nearly cried because of this movie, not from joy, not from sadness, but from pure pain to my very being.  I literally feel like what I just saw was damaging to my soul.  Why?!  Why were the things that were depicted in this movie necessary to be shown, to be played out by actors and CGI?  There is evil in this world, horrible horrible evil, and it takes many forms, and I would never advocate turning a blind eye to it.  But it is wrong to show it in a medium for entertainment!  There are good men and women who have gone and will still go to war and see horrible things while fighting for a just and true cause and it must be done for good and right to prevail because we live in a fallen world.  But it is wrong to re-create those horrible things they saw in the name of realism or accuracy or whatever other excuse filmmakers may use to depict them in movies.  It is not necessary, it is not good for us to see.  It is damaging.

Do not go see this movie!  Yes there were some good parts of this movie, but there were far too many bad parts to make the good worth while.  I am really upset right now.  I wish I had known what I was paying for.

Ok, if you want to hear another critique of this film here you go:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rev-otis-moss-iii/a-biblical-review-of-noah_b_5056256.html

Maybe I am too sensitive.  Or maybe the world is becoming de-sensitized.  You decide for yourself.  But I recommend this movie to no one.

This is from IMDb: [SPOILER]


In one scene, Noah travels to a village to find wives for his sons. He finds them acting like animals; we see babies being taken away for food, and women are traded for livestock. An animal is thrown into a crowd and violently eviscerated alive. Noah then sees a vision of himself amongst the crowd, eating the animal's flesh raw and growling like an animal. This entire scene is extremely frightening and intense.

Worst movie

I just saw a horrible movie. What good qualities were in it were consumed by the horrible awfulness that was also in it

Friday, March 28, 2014

Not much here

Today was a long day. Lots and lots of doing the same thing over and over again at work. 
Decided to stay in tonight. I don't know, going out and meeting up with people just felt like a lot of work. And I think I was being particular, or you could call it picky sure, about what kind of atmosphere I was looking for. I don't know. I'm tired and having a hard time thinking straight. So glad tomorrow is Saturday :)

Thursday, March 27, 2014

a missionary moment

Hello everyone!! I'm in a pretty fantastic mood right now.  I got my license plate back for my motorcycle.  Yay! So now I don't have to pay for another one!  Thank you to whatever lady found my plate and turned it into the police department.

Good things come in threes, I also won some free stuff at the Norwex party I went to tonight at my cousin's house.  AND, I got a bonus check because my work exceeded our goal for the first quarter of the year.  All the employees got bonus checks!  Let me tell you, nothing like a good business owner who treats their employees well to make me want to work better at my job.  And that is why I am in high spirits tonight.  Well, those are some of the reasons why, not all of them, but the funnest reasons. ;)

Ok I had an experience I wanted to share from last night when I was waiting for my friends so we could meet up and go to the Jazz game.  If you are familiar with Salt Lake you will know that the arena where the Jazz play is near Temple Square aka Mormon headquarters :-P  So while I was waiting I decided to go wait inside one of the visitor centers on Temple Square cuz it is warmer inside and I could sit down.  Well there of course are tons of missionaries floating around the area mostly sister missionaries.  I didn't want to talk to any of them.  I was once a sister missionary, in another state, so I know how they work and I just didn't want to talk to any of them.  I wasn't in the mood.  I was doing really good at not getting their notice til about 5 minutes before I was supposed to meet my friends, two of them came up to me and started talking to me. Internal eye roll and sigh of exasperation.  HOWEVER, it turned out to be a good experience.  Luckily these were two sister missionaries who were more....how can I put this....more real...down-to-earth...they didn't jump right into bearing their testimonies and preaching to me and trying to teach me like good missionaries do.  (Nothing wrong with that, fyi, I just wouldn't have appreciated it so much at that moment).  They just asked me who I was and why I was there.  I told them about going to the Jazz game and waiting for friends in warm comfy atmosphere.  To cut it short, basically I felt really comfortable around them and that enabled me to lower my wall and just be real with them.  Of course they committed me to do something cuz that is what missionaries do :) but I was ok with that.  I just know that when I said goodbye and headed off to the game I was feeling pretty good.  Thank you Spirit.


Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Bikers wanted

Well I'm going to be up late busy again tonight so I'm posting now. I'm off to a jazz game tonight with some friends. 

Today was slow at work. I spent the majority of my time in the warehouse section just hanging out and helping the crew in the back. 

I'm feeling kinda blah right now. I'm dealing with some emotions like sadness and frustration. I've got a situation that I don't like but can't do much to change it, so I'm trying to accept it. Anyone else understand that acceptance can be hard? Hence the frustration. But I am trying. I know I will feel better, happier, if I can accept the situation as opposed to continually fighting it. 

In other news...I got my motorcycle endorsement today for bikes of any engine size. No limits. 

I am happy about that. Now I just have to be patient a little longer til I can get my bike back from it's second time in the shop. Anyone reading this wanna go on a ride with me when I get my bike back? :) 

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

glee

Work today was no fun.  We didn't have much for me to do so I ended up doing a few jobs that no one really wanted to do and had been putting off.  Yay for me.  But I will have plenty to do tomorrow now so that's good I guess. 

I just got done watching one of my favorite TV shows, or it used to be anyways.  It had sorta fallen from grace and I've been too busy to really watch any TV, but tonight I wasn't doing anything.  It was a good episode.  Felt like the old days type of episode.  And as I was watching I wanted to share how I was feeling, share my excitement about what I was enjoying and loving.  Then I realized I didn't have anyone to share with.  Deflated balloon. :(  Don't get me wrong, I know people and could've told them, but none of them care for this show, and no one would have understood why I was excited and loving what I was seeing and feeling.  And you guessed it, this made me feel alone. 

I am betting that most everyone knows that feeling of wanting to share, wanting to connect in a moment of positivity with someone else who, at least in that moment, is the same as you, who understands why you feel that way cuz they are feeling it, too.  Now the last thing I want is to be alone now, but it's nighttime, on weeknight, and I work in the morning, so I have to get ready for bed. 

Anyways, it was a good episode.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Divergent

Ok. Here are my thoughts on Divergent: I like Shailene Woodley :) Yes the movie changed things as all movies based on books do. Some might argue that it changes the points and themes and moods of the book. Sometimes I'd agree but I still feel like Divergent followed the spirit of the book. Perhaps the movie was a little less edgy and dark as the book, but I am not bothered too much by that. Mostly I really enjoyed the performance of Shailene Woodley. I thought she conveyed strength and vulnerability at the same time. Plus she is easy on the eye. And she reminds me of a friend of mine. 

So I'd love to own this movie and watch the special features and I'm looking forward to the next two installments. :) Oh, and it was fun seeing Kate Winslet play her character, though she made me like her character cuz I like her. But you aren't supposed to like her character. Ugh, oh well :)

Just takin a break from work

Hello everybody :)  It's a beautiful day today, yes?  Yes.  Well not much of interest has happened yet today, which I'll take as a good thing.  That means I'm not having any negative thoughts affecting me today :)  Woohoo!  I'm just at work right now, typing away at addresses.  Such a glamorous job I have I know ;)

I keep thinking about my bike.  I really wanna go for a ride :-P  Patience, patience.

Tonight I am going to see Divergent.  I'm surprised at how long of a movie it is.  I was informed that it is 2.5 hours long.  Wow, it better be good.  I've read all the books so I know what I'm getting myself into.  Stay tuned later tonight or tomorrow for my critique.  I'll be sure to give spoiler alerts if I decide to talk about the plot or what happens at all.

Yay, I love being in a good mood.  Ok back to work now I go.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

part 2

Ha, sorry.  I fell asleep while writing my post last night.  So yesterday when I was at SLCC taking my motorcycle endorsement riding test, my bike died :(  I accidentally left the key in the on position just for a minute or two while the instructor was talking to us.  I noticed my error and quickly fixed it but when I went to start my bike it wouldn't turnover.  I got help doing a push start and got it going, but I had to keep it in first gear cuz we were in a parking lot and that killed it.  So, couldn't get the bike going.  The MSF instructor let me use one of their bikes no charge (thankfully).  That was hard by the way, riding a bike I wasn't used to, without a chance to warm up on it, for the endorsement test.  But as you read in the previous post, I still passed and am now legally able to ride ANY type of motorcycle, no matter how big it is ;)  Ok back to the story.  The instructor had a battery charger so I was able to charge my bike's battery enough to get it started.  Then I rode it down to my mechanic in Salt Lake where he figured out that the battery was good, but something was making it so it wasn't holding a charge properly.  That's why even after getting it started it died when it was idling or in first gear.  So once again I have no bike to ride and the weather is GORGEOUS today :(  Oh, and my license plate fell off I think at some point while I was riding my bike.  Now I have to pay for a duplicate license.  Ugh, money I hate you!!  OH, and since I rode my bike to the shop I was stranded with no way of getting myself home.  Called the parents, no answer.  So a friend came and got me.  Oi, what a long day.  And after that I spent the rest of the evening at my friend's house with him and his wife and other friends playing games, and then talking til after 2:00am about whatever topic popped into our heads :-D

See, what a day. 

What a day

What. A. Day. 
Nearly 3:00am and I am just getting into bed. Today started when I woke up on my friend's couch after having fallen asleep there some hours prior. Yay sleepover! But I missed my kitty. Then it was back home to get my bike so I could head down to West Jordan to take a riding test to get my endorsement for the bigger bikes. Happy to report I passed my test :).

Friday, March 21, 2014

March Madness!

Well I'm at work again.  I'm not sure the likelihood of posting if I wait til tonight to do it.  Last night I ended up hanging out with a friend most of the night so by the time I got home it was way too late and I was tired.  And I foresee tonight being similar.  Who's been listening/watching/following March Madness?  I wasn't planning on it, but I am :)  It gives me something to listen to while I'm at work.  And speaking of basketball, just about 40 minutes ago Mercer upset Duke.  I love sports!  I love basketball! Needless to say I'm in a pretty good mood right now.  Now I'm listening to Tennessee play against Massachusetts.  I'm routing for UT.  Soft spot for Tennessee since I lived there for nearly 18 months.  So far they are playing well, the score is 10-6.

Getting back to work now.  ;)

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

This is a serious post

I have a lot on my mind right now. I want to talk about something that others may not even believe exists. As far as I know Christians believe in right and wrong and they believe in such a thing as sinning. If you are reading this and you believe right and wrong is relevant, that's fine. I'm not here to argue, so just enjoy this read. I address the rest of you when I say we all have our "favorite sins": those things we do that we know are wrong but we have a hard time not doing them. 

Today I was talking with a friend and I realized I don't want to give up my favorite sin [and I'm not going to make a judgement about that cuz I'm just not in the mood to play the judgement game right now].  For me, it's not even a feeling of I really don't want to do this but I can't stop myself. It's so much deeper than that. My "sin" is inextricably woven in to who I am. I'm not saying who I am is a sin, but because of who I am, I really really want to keep my favorite sin. I wish it wasn't a sin. To me and my heart and my being, I feel like it shouldn't be a sin and I get so pissed off because I know it is and nothing I think or say or do can change that. To say it puts me in a bad spot is a frikkin understatement. 

I want to do what's right. That is so deeply ingrained in me that I think it's genetic and that I came out of the womb wanting to do what is right. It is a part of who I am. However, as strong as that side of me is, I also want this other thing just as strongly and it conflicts with me. But this other desire is also me. It's just as much who I am and genetic as is my desire to do right. The conflict inside of me is so divisive that I have yet to commit to either path. I don't feel like I can because to choose one, whichever one, makes me feel like.... I just can't make the choice. 

I am frustrated right now. 

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

5 minute therapy session...GO!

Ok I'm at work now and today has been a struggle.  I just want to shake this feeling I'm having of being stuck and sad and down and helpless.  Blah!!!  I don't like feeling like this, but this is a typical day about 50% of the time.

 Ok what are some things good in my life?  I love that I have cats.  They are so cute and playful and cuddly and affectionate and expressive and soft.  And did I mention cute? :)  I have a few pretty good friends, some of which actually know what I deal with on a day-to-day basis and are available as a support.  I have a job, a source of income, that keeps me afloat, or at least keeps me from sinking to the bottom of the financial woes ocean. [so easy to slide to the negative]

What can I look forward to?  Life not always being like this for forever.  Moments of pure happiness.  Better than nothing.
...and this is where I start to struggle.  I'm not sure what I have to look forward to, at least in a more detailed and immediate future fashion.  I don't know what I want.  I don't have something to shoot for, something to give me meaning and motivation during times like this when I'm feeling the way I feel.  I know I want to be happy, but I don't know what will bring me that happiness.  And in the meantime I'm trying to stay positive, but it's SO hard sometimes....a lot of the time....  blah! [ok that brought me a little chuckle]

O_O

Monday, March 17, 2014

Did I mention I love pizza!

Great night tonight.  I had 6 slices of pizza!!!!  Yes, I know that's way too much, but right now I don't care :)  So today was kinda lagging until this evening.  I got to my morning job on time which is good and we finished before 9:00 so I even made it to my second job on time, too.  But there wasn't enough for me to do at my second job so I ended up going home a little early.  Yeah, that's awesome to get to go home early, but money is really tight for me right now and I need every minute I can get.  Hopefully I can make up for that later in the week.  I came home with a slight headache and decided to take a nap.  I love naps!!  It was good.  I felt refreshed afterwards.  Which was what I needed as I headed off to FHE.  If you don't know what FHE is feel free to comment me ;)  I had a good time tonight.  We visited some people (or tried to in some cases) then came back and had pizza.  That was my favorite part :D  And of course socialized.  I got to talk to and meet quite a few people.  I left feeling really good.  I'm kinda looking forward to the next activity so I can see how many people I remember.  I hope I can make some new friends from all this. 

Anywho, off to bed now.  I'm trying to do better at getting enough sleep so I don't wake up late and miss my morning job :-/  Later!

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Whole. Complete. Happy. At peace.

As most of my Sundays normally are, today has been a short day.  I didn't do much and I'm off to bed early to wake up early for my morning job tomorrow.  I did however go to dinner with some friends at a friend's house tonight.  I almost didn't go.  About an hour or so before dinner time I was talking myself out of going, but I'm glad I went.  I got to meet some new people and get to know them better, and I felt better being around people than I would've felt I think by myself, in my room, looking at stuff on my phone 0_0

I think there is a trick to life.  I don't think we get everything we want, everything we think that will make us the most happy we could be.  I think the people out there who really are just super happy and love their life are people who have figured out this trick.  I can't tell you what the trick is, cuz I don't know it.  If I did I'd be happier and love my life.  I haven't figured it out yet.  Lately I've been trying to be more social, be more involved in my friends' lives, have things planned on weekends so I wasn't just cooped up in my room for 2 days til it was time to go to work again.  I've been doing this because a lot of people have suggested that this would make me happier.  And it has! But...I still have this feeling that there is something more that I need.  It is not a want, it feels like a need.  I need this something to feel whole.  I've had the thought that maybe this is just as good as it gets and I have to learn how to live life not feeling like I'm complete, but still pretty happy here and there to most of the time.  But then I think, no way!  I've seen people who look like they are really happy and seem to very much feel complete and whole and like they've figured something out about living life.  I have my ideas on what I think will make me feel whole, but so far I've not proven my ideas to be right.  In fact they might be wrong, I'm not sure.

These have been my thoughts for awhile now.  I wish I didn't feel like I was missing something.  I wish I felt at peace.  And if my ideas are wrong, I hope I figure out the right idea.  I don't want to live life feeling like I need something but just have to do without.  There's got to be a way, a trick, to feel whole and complete and happy and at peace.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Movie critiques: Lego Movie and Non-Stop

A pretty busy Saturday for me today.  Two movies and 5 hours of gaming.  I went and saw the Lego Movie with my cousin.  This for me is one of those movies that can be a little overbearing sometimes with the predictable and frequently-used story arcs, but what I think was the most impressive aspect was all the Lego creations they made.  Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that was filmed using stop motion animation.  I leaned over to my cousin during the movie and said that I think the filmmakers probably had too much fun making that movie.  OH!! So people often ask, What's your favorite type/genre of movie? And I often reply that I like most genres just really not comedy.  Well the Lego movie is a good example of why I don't like comedy.  They wrote and did a lot of things that were meant to be funny, but I just didn't think they were.  You know what I mean?  I don't like it when a film tries to be funny.  Just not my cup of tea :)

The second movie I saw with a friend was Non-Stop.  I really enjoyed watching this movie.  I was content with the story and the ending and not bothered by anything except one thing.  Hopefully this won't be viewed as a spoiler, but I felt like the air marshal character was too rough with the people he suspected.  I don't think that's right, to be that physically rough with someone you simply suspect as a bad guy, but have yet to prove it.  Personally, and this is just me, I don't like the idea of being really physically rough even if the person really is a bad guy.  To me it shows a lack of self-discipline and self-mastery in the person who's supposed to be on the side of justice and rightness.  Idk, I've seen it played out before in TV shows and movies and depending on the degree of physicality I may or may not feel uncomfortable about it.  All I'm saying is that I felt uncomfortable about it in this movie today.  Of course there could be other factors involved I'm sure. :)

In other news, gaming was fun, but I had a hard time keeping my patience with one of the other players and I need to do better at keeping myself in check.  Speaking of self-discipline and self-mastery, right ;)  Ah, this life is our time to become better than we were.

A problem and a party

Anyone have a problem that is out of your control and so you are trying to not think about it and focus on other things?  And you are doing a good job at finding other things to do, some of which are making you feel pretty happy and good, but still you have those moments when you are all alone with nothing to do and the problem just enters your mind, like it was always there but you just had to not be distracted by other things to see/feel it?  I just wish there was something I could do!  I do not like the feeling of having to just let it be and do something else when I know it is a problem.  The definition of problem is: any question or matter involving doubt, uncertainty, or difficulty; a question proposed for solution or discussion.  You know, I want a solution, the answer that solves the problem. Ugh :(

Ok now having said all that, I've had a pretty good day.  Work was alright, probably cuz I only worked for 6 hours instead of my usual 11.  Then I cleaned up my car some (I really like having clean organized things).   And followed that by going to a party at a friend's house where I admit it: I had a blast :D  To any of you reading this who were there at the party, thanks for making that fun and I hope you had a good time too.  Today was a day where I felt truly happy and experienced something that was really good and I'm grateful for it.

Friday, March 14, 2014

Comedians

Ok I didn't post last night because I was really tired and had a long day and pretty much passed out once my head hit the pillow around 10:00-ish.  I have to say though that I had a pretty funny day at work though. And this will be strange coming from me if anyone reading this knows me, but I was listening to stand-up comedy at work yesterday.  HILARIOUS stuff!!  I really like Gabriel Iglesias and all his amazingly accurate voices.  I watched his episode that he did in Hawaii and his story of his shows in Saudi Arabia were pretty amazing to hear about.  I feel happy to know that people in the Middle East have humor and like to laugh just like any human being :)  If you like comedians or are interested in hearing his set from his show in Hawaii here is the Youtube link:
http://youtu.be/RIIjxDE__a8

Well I'm at work right now so I'm gonna go and get back to it.  Later...

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Families

I am an only child.  So for me, any time I have the opportunity to see what the family dynamics are like in a family with multiple children I just soak it in.  It's so different from my quiet life of solitude.  Tonight I had one of those opportunities.  Every family is different, some fight more than others, some are more loving of each other than others.  I don't know, it almost makes me want to do research and case studies, but that's my psychologist side coming out :)  Sometimes I feel sad that I didn't have siblings or grow up in a home with many members, and being in a home where there are many and it's a happy home only aggravates the sadness.  However, tonight was not one of those nights, though the family I was with definitely seemed happy and loving and cohesive to my brief observation.  It was a good experience.

Which brings me to my second thought.  When I was much younger my parents would let me go to and have sleepovers, with friends or with cousins.  I loved these events.  I realize now that I felt very alive and in the moment and happy.  Then when the time came to go home or for my friend/cousin to go home I became sad.  I didn't want to go back to being the only one.  I liked having someone to play with and talk to.  I bring this up because tonight when I came home I was starting to feel that a little bit.  And then thoughts of living alone crept in, and missing friends, and just wanting to have someone with me in my life.  Ugh!

And the battle continues. 

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Google Maps screenshot

In case you were curious as to what I was looking at today :)

Google Earth and my affinity for maps

Does anybody ever use Google Earth? Last night I couldn't sleep so well and I started looking up places on Google Earth on my phone.  Then today while at work I had a lot of fun looking at my favorite vacation spots and sending the pics to my mom.  Made us both want to go on vacation!  I don't know what it is, but I really love looking at maps and at places on the Earth.  Hey I even bought a new globe from the DI last weekend.  Sure it still shows Russia as the USSR and parts of the Middle East and Africa don't look like I last remembered, and my mission companion's country is called the Gilbert Islands instead of Kirabati....but I still love looking at it, just staring at the different places of our planet.  I wouldn't mind going to see a lot of those places and learning of their history.

Ha, well in other news, I spent nearly 2 hours I believe on one measly project at work today.  They are not supposed to take that long.  And evidently, if I had just asked for help before starting out on it on my own there might've been a faster/better way of doing it.  Aaaagghhh!  Oh well, it's done now.  And I will have plenty to do tomorrow.  Looks like I should get a good full paycheck this week (I really need it).  And did anyone else see the beautiful sunset, or the sun hitting the snowy peaked, cloud shrouded Wasatch mountain range today?  Ah!! It was amazing!  I wish I could've found a good place to stop and just gaze at it, instead of being in my car and driving :P  I love the scenery in Utah :)


Monday, March 10, 2014

Demons

Today was a rough day and I don't feel much better right now.  Does anyone else have to deal with frequent downward mood swings? 
Let's talk about inner demons for a second.  I know we all have them.  I know some people have to wrestle more with theirs' than other folks.  I'm not going to claim to be one of those people.  All I am going to say is that mine often make me feel like I am frequently getting knocked down hard in a boxing ring.  The struggle to get back up is really tough and then all too easy do I get knocked back down.  My demons just make me feel really awful about myself, alone, and pessimistic and hopeless about life.  They tell me that there is no one there and make me feel like I am drowning.  In reality I think there are people there, and I'm probably strong enough to get myself back up out of the abyss, but getting to where I feel that way seems out of my control.

Ok, I will try to say a couple positive things now.  I get to go to bed now and my cute little kitty Arwen is waiting for me.  Though I feel alone, there's got to be those I can't see who are with me.  This life is just a short moment and one day the inner demons will be gone. 

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Of Mice and Money

I feel overwhelmed with the issues and stresses that are associated with money right now.  My friend sent me some budget templates awhile back and today I finally got around to plugging in some data and at one point I got so frustrated tonight that I nearly started to cry.  I'm still feeling frustrated and lost, but I'm done for the night.  I have to just step away.

I've stayed inside mostly all day today.  Except for when I walked a mouse to its new home.  Yep, you read that right.  There's been a mouse in our house and so I bought a humane mouse trap to catch it and today it was finally trapped.  So I cut up some cheese cubes and walked it to a new location outside that I hope would be safely away from most predators (namely, my cats) and released it back into the wild.  He/She was a cute little mouse :)

Yay for a new week. 

Saturday, March 8, 2014

The sun was out, what did you do?

Another Saturday come and gone.  Today was gorgeous.  Sun was shining and I know many were out enjoying it.  I spent my time hanging out with some friends :)  We did some shopping, did lunch, cut some metal, played Dungeons and Dragons, you know, the usual.  Haha, yes I play D&D.  It's pretty fun.  I get to spend time with a group of friends playing games and cracking jokes.  Who doesn't love that?  And I get to play with some pretty cool dice, too ;)  As for cutting metal, well I'm making a knife.  Yes, making a knife.  I'm not to the point where I can forge my own, but so far the process has involved designing the pattern of my blade and then cutting it out of metal.   That's were I'm at still.  It was pretty fun.  I got to use power tools and there were lots of sparks :D 

Yep, today was pretty great.  Spending time with people you like and who you're pretty sure like you back, doing things you enjoy...that makes life worth living.  For me anyway, for now.

Muscle Re-awakening

In case any of you were wondering Ziggy is still alive and hanging in there.  I don't know what is going to happen.  I'm just happy to still have her with us.

In other news, I went to the gym today and worked out hard.  Boy are my shoulders weak.  For example, I was doing pulldowns on one of the weight machines and I ended up on 50 lbs.  Now for the shoulder press, which is the exact opposite motion than a pull down, I struggled with every repetition and my highest weight pressed was only 30 lbs.  Yep, huge imbalance there :-/  Oh well at least I worked out :)

Today was a very beautiful day.  Was anyone out and about around 6:00ish? The sunset was brilliant with the clouds and clear air.  I especially loved seeing the sunlight move up the Wasatch front as the sun set.  Very very pretty.  And now it's the weekend!!!  Woohoo!!  Tomorrow I'm hanging out with friends and letting go of my worries for a few hours, I can't wait.  I hope everyone else will have a good day tomorrow too! Til then, goodnight.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Ziggy and Spirituality

Well today was another pretty rough day, but tonight I am feeling good, all things considered. 

Tonight I wanted to share two things.  First, my cat Ziggy went in to see the vet today because she was breathing hard this morning.  She has an enlarged heart and breathing hard is one of those signs to worry about.  Anyways, one x-ray and ultrasound later, little Ziggy is in heart failure.  My family all met up at the vet's to discuss what we should do.  We decided to bring her home tonight with us and keep an eye on her and spend some time with her.  The vet gave her some medicine and kept her in an oxygen cage so she was looking a lot better when we picked her up.  But if/when her breathing becomes more labored then we will be taking her back to put her to sleep.  I've been through this before so I know now what to expect, but it doesn't make it an easier or any less painful to lose someone I've grown to love and feel attached to, and who has brought happiness to my life.  I haven't had Ziggy for very long, but I am grateful to have found her and make a place in my home and in my heart for her. 

Second thing, since I was having such a rough day today, I decided I needed to get a Priesthood blessing.  Now for those of you who might not know what that is, suffice it to say I needed to get in tune with some spirituality and I met with success.  I had the feeling that it would be beneficial and important for me to figure out what my talents are, what gifts have I been blessed with that could be used to help others.  I was also left with the impression that I needed to try and see myself the way I truly am, with full honesty and no negativity or criticism.  If I can do these things it will help me to be happier and feel more joy and purpose in my life.  So that is what I shall try and do.  What gifts do you see that I have?

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Some of my feelings...

Alright, tonight I am feeling a little down.  This was going to happen eventually.  Can I talk about how I feel?  Is that ok?  Here goes...

In 3 months I will be turning 29.  I know to most of you this isn't that old, however I don't know what I am doing with my life.  I have no vision of what I want my life to be.  There are things that I want in my life, mostly meaningful relationships that last and a certain someone to spend my life with.  But I just don't feel like those things are in the cards for me.  I don't know what else to do.  There have been a few people that I've met recently that I could see myself spending my life with.  I might have been seeing through rose-colored glasses, but I am a believer in working to make relationships strong and worthwhile.  Nevertheless, it takes two to make a relationship work, and my dreams have often been crushed by a harsh reality.  

I feel alone.  I feel this desperate need for connection and closeness and the need is so strong it's often like some wild ravenous animal that I work constantly at keeping it in a cage and hidden.  Does anyone have similar experiences, where they want something so badly so strongly that sometimes it's hard to keep it under control?  I know this is a human condition.  I know there are those of you out there who have/and still feel the same way. 

I often think about what is the right thing to do, and what should I do.  Tonight I am relieving myself of that burden and just letting it be.  Tonight I miss someone and I wish I could have a meaningful heart-to-heart conversation with them.  Tonight I am sad because I can't do that.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Pizza and Peaks

Today was a pretty good good day.  Yes, that's two "goods". 

Can I just tell you how much I love looking at the mountains?  It's borderline dangerous is what it is.  Sometimes they are very distracting for me as I'm driving along Utah's fine freeways :)  They are just so beautiful.  Today I found myself driving down to Draper and I hit this angle where Lone Peak, freshly powdered in new snow, was towering through an opening between two other mountains, a light fluffy brushing of clouds accenting its "lone-ness".  Ah, I loved it.  Love the mountains, love the clouds in the clean sky, love the sun as it's setting creating such dynamics.  Really, I shouldn't be driving in the early evening.

You know what is awesome? Pizza.  Yummy delicious pizza.  Today at work I walked in to the lunch room to heat up my frozen meal and some of my other co-workers had ordered pizza!  At this point they had all eaten and I was alone in the room looking at the presumably empty pizza box from Papa John's.  I approached it and lifted the lid and guess what's sitting there just for me?  One last slice! And it was still mildly warm!  So I had pizza for lunch!! Woohoo!

See, pretty good good day ;)

Monday, March 3, 2014

My first posting.

I know that I'm being very original with the name of my blog and the name of my first post.  Please forgive me for now, it is late and I'm writing this on a whim.

Today was a pretty difficult day. I don't know if that's because it was legitimately difficult or if I just didn't have a good attitude, either way there was difficulty. Let me just say that I work two jobs and I was tired; automatically set up to be more vulnerable to stray emotions like impatience and frustration.   I felt discontent and unhappy and sad. I wanted to talk to  and be with my friends, not be at work. So eventually I turned on some Disney music and that helped cheer me up some. Thank you for happy childhood memories and Disney!

Later when I got home  I decided to go for a ride on my motorcycle. Best idea!! I loved it. So much fun to take it up to 55mph for the first time and cruise down an empty 5 lane road. I am grateful for that experience. Even though it got chilly pretty quick it was a priceless happy moment for me. Yay for happy moments!