Been awhile. Things have been mostly good lately, a few dips but mostly ups. Tonight I was with friends playing games. I think I'm a fairly self-observant person, always on the self-analyzing side of things. There is a person in my circle of friends who incites emotions of irritation, impatience, pettiness, unkindness, and anger in me. He doesn't do it on purpose, it's just his personality that I don't often like. And I dislike that I can't be better than I am when it comes to dealing with him. I snapped a little bit tonight and said something with unkindness toward him and immediately felt ashamed of myself. And that of course just added to my anger.
I'm sometimes known by others to be kind and nice. And that's how I want to be known, that's who I want to be. I want to be kind to others. I value that attribute and aspire to make it a part of who I am. So I don't like it when I come across people that I don't like and start to both feel and do mean things towards. I try to keep it in check or find ways to change my perspective of that person, but sometimes I snap. And then I feel bad.
[sigh] Just wish I could be better at loving others and being patient and seeing the good.
You're already on the right path. Being aware is a very important step--although it's certainly not the last one. Keep at it, and take a moment to be proud of yourself for being aware and caring enough to reconsider your behavior!
ReplyDelete(This is Dwight, by the way)