Nothing bad has really happened today yet I've been crying. It's been a good day, I've been able to do things I don't normally get the chance to do very often, but I still feel sad and in pain. I had a friend once who told me that when she got sick as a little girl she would lie down on the bathroom floor and her mom would sit with her and run her fingers through her hair.  So later on when she was older she'd still remember that when she was sick and kind of long for it. When I feel this way I don't have much fight left in me and I want to lie down and escape from the crappy feelings. My strength is gone. I wish I had someone to turn to. But I think that's part of the problem, that I need someone else to help me feel better. I can't be that person I need for myself. Not yet anyways.