Jedi mind tricks

Well, it didn't last long.  I am feeling just a tad anxious right now.  I'm thinking about going to bed. 

They say that acceptance can help you feel at peace even about things that you don't like.  However, if you accept something, it doesn't mean you forever accept it, at least not with me.  I at one moment can feel like I've accepted my situation and then a day later I think I've not accepted it again.  I'm not fighting my situation, but I'm not....here's an analogy.  It's like I'm still standing and not sitting down.  I'm not fighting, but I'm not sitting down either, so I guess there is still some fighting going on, passive aggressive fighting. 

I'm trying not to fight.  I'm trying to tell my heart that it needs to stop and let it go.  It will be ok.  But my heart keeps feeling afraid.  I keep feeling afraid.  And fear makes it hard to feel peace through acceptance.  Fear also makes it hard to have hope.  In this situation the practice of facing my fear doesn't work.  So how do I overcome my fear?  I guess mantras, breathing, mindfulness, etc.  Mind tricks I like to call them.  JEDI MIND TRICKS!  Lol, ok that gave me a smile. 

I've been told when we do things and think things it creates neural pathways in the brain.  So when you do or think the same things over and over again it starts to ingrain the pathway in the brain, ie. habits.  In order to create new pathways you have to keep thinking or doing something different over and over until eventually the old pathway becomes covered in...weeds, or whatever paths do when they discontinue to be used.  I can't think of the term.  In muscle terminology it would be atrophy.  I've got some pretty deeply ingrained negative thinking neural pathways that are a major pain in my neck to overcome.  Yet someone who's known me for 3 years now says that she has seen progress, of me changing the way I think about things and changing how I react and act about certain things.  So that's good I suppose.